Pinoy Parenting Forums » Post 4246 » DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

Parent

For those who are already married and for those who would want to marry someday ... something to think about.
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DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
By: Bo Sanchez
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The Key To Succeeding In Marriage Is Not Finding The Right Person; It's Learning To Love The Person You Found! SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . not just a feeling.

`chet cena`

nice explaination. I think I married the right woman! Very Happy

Moderator

i am not going to remarry again but i am very happy with my partner right now.

he is a very wonderful guy!

Parent

Yeah, sometimes we tend to see ourselves asking this question...Did I marry the right person? ...

but did you know what? Sometimes, it also worth asking yourself the other way around ... "Did I become the right kind of person to my spouse?" ...

Two ways to ask ourselves right, but it make sense and it may make a difference in building up our relationship with our spouse... Very Happy

Parent

Did i marry the right person? .... That question never crossed my mind. Believe it or not, it never did.
I wake up every morning and still see the person i fell in love with eight years ago.
I guess from the very start, I already accepted who and what she really is. I guess love really is unconditional. Very Happy

Moderator

New Parent

ang ganda nmn nun...

New Parent

Great statement. Thought is indeed comprehensible.
I believe, if you prayed for a certain guy to be your husband and God gave it to you, you have the right one. Because you chose it and God agreed to the one you selected.

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Moderator

I am very much happy with my hubby.. He's God given gift to me. Very Happy

Parent

Love is unconditional. That's how I see it. Whether I see a lot of imperfections on him, I believe that the love I have received from my husband is enough to marry him and be with him for a lifetime! Smile

Yes, I did marry the right person Smile

New Parent

my hubby and I have a lot of differences. For almost 5 years of marriage, we still discover certain attitude that either one of us might dislike. But even with this, we both believe that marriage is something sacred, God's gift to us and it is something that you work out everyday. Despite our differences, we continuously work hard for our family and for our marriage. And our differences never set us apart but make us even more closer.

Moderator

well explain

Moderator

It's a nice article.
Thank you for sharing.
I believe that I marry the right person for I have prayed fervently (with Mama Mary's intercession through the Novenas) to God. I have asked for a sign, and He gave it to me.
After 10 years of marriage, we still have disagreements, arguments, differences but our commitment is still there. Love evolves. It is not based on feelings rather on responsibilities. Doing what we are obliged to do (duties as a good father, mother, member of the family).
It is indeed a blessing to grow old with someone you love and at the end of the road, we can always look back at the memories that passed. Seeing our children's children, gray hair will become crown of wisdom for all of us....
Cool

New Parent

Think about being a good husband or wife to your partner than thinking about other things, right?

Parent

The question, "Did I marry the right person?" is often asked when one or both of the spouses no longer feels the sweetness of a romance in the marriage and when doing things and being with their partner becomes more of a boring chore rather than a pleasurable service of love.

Once married, that question is of not significant. You will just fritter away your precious time, energy and valuable tears in trying to quantify whether you're truly meant to be with each other. Never think that just because your husband or your wife is not the 'ideal person' that you have in mind means he/she is not the right person for you.

Countless relationships have been broken because of the unending search for a "perfect spouse". When the ideals that you have in mind have not been met, you tend to ask yourself whether you're truly meant to be. When the "romantic feeling" starts to become pale and you're no longer being swept off your feet, you begin to wonder whether the feeling is gone, and starts to feel the emptiness.

Bear in mind, Love is not a feeling. It is, rather, the readiness to extend yourself for the spiritual growth of one or the other. Love is a decision and should not be mistaken as a feeling which is short-lived.

The crucial part to succeed in a marriage is not finding the right person. It is learning to love the person you found and whose face you see first thing in the morning. Don't expect your partner to be perfect for you are not perfect at all, but if you will just try to alter your attention, being perfect for each other is not unfeasible. Instead of wondering whether you married the right guy, why not ponder on, How could we both be perfect for one another?